if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize