as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
