Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
