u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
