from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
