Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
