I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
