sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
