Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
