i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
