I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
