every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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