I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
