I cockslap morals
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
