its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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