Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
