Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
