And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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