my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
