Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
