those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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