there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
