She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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