Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
