Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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