I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
