You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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