Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I'm really busy with my period
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