We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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