I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
