I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
