too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
