Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
