wat bout pragnant strippers??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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