John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
