tell your sister to shave her snatch
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
