People in love make me want to vomit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
