i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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