Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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