Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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