Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
