Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
