you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
