that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
