We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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