He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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