The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Another day, another engagement, another cat
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
