I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
