I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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