there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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