Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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