God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
