i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
