just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
