Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
