Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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