I just threw up on my dentist
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
