Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
