woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
