The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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