I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
