New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
