If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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