eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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