how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
