At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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