then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
