Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
