i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
