sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
