Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
