the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
