you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
