I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
