I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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